Tired or Tired of being 'effectively' Single

I've gone though emotional turmoil that has served to highlight how much is missing in my personal life. What is strange is that after realizing what is missing, the needs are still un-addressed . I saw a blog entry, which just made me start to cry. It wasn't out of pity for the author as much as it was that the blog sounds like I could have written it. I've moved to try and advance my career so I suppose its my fault for not just settling, and either being a house wife or have only limited job satisfaction. You see that statement is so not what I believe even though members of my own family site my ambition as the source of my situation. Well, yes and no... Why do I have pick either relationship or career. What's so wrong with expecting to find someone who will value me and support me in my life's ambitions. If you've read any of my other limited blog entries you'll see that there has been some pretty tough stuff in my life. Well, that tough stuff really played the role as catalyst to realize what I have been missing. Now, I'm on the brink of a divorce which in reality doesn't feel as threatening as one may think. What hurts is that I've poured myself into this relationship and its drained me. I thought when you pour your heart and soul into a relationship it makes you a stronger person, richer and more vibrant. Right now, I don't care, it makes me feel ashamed to not care. I understand my spouse couldn't be who I needed for a long time. I'm not ignorant of all that has happened, but seeking counselling now for me feels like 'A dollar short and a day late.". To make matters worse all I hear is that I've found someone else, really in my experience this means that the other person has found someone else and can't confess to that fact. I found myself this weekend shocked, that I meet someone who a first glance seemed so much like what I wanted in a person. Then I got to talk to him, and he just seemed to have the qualities that I wanted. Their the qualities I used to be exposed to by my spouse. He has the right balance of nerdy funny, sensitive, and caring. What I also know is that I'd have a better chance to sneek a snowball into Hell than I ever would to be anything more to him that an acquaintence. I also don't feel as guilty about these feelings as I thought I might. It isn't that I no longer love my partner/spouse, I still do, but I'm not getting what I need in that relationship anymore. Or at least in the current form of a relationship that we have. I can't be effectively single, but responsible for both ends of the long distance relationship. In nearly four years apart, we've spent less than a month together in the state that I live and work in. A few of my friends actually thought I made up being married as a cover to avoid dating etc. I'm stuck in a situation I don't want, but I also don't know how to improve it. I could try to just be selfish and cavalier. I could just seek out a new partner, but it isn't exactly what I feel like right now. For me my current relationship feels far to damaged to repair, but I also don't want to let go. I want it back, but I'm not foolish, I don't think I'll ever have it back. Now, I've just been exposed to a person that seems to be just like the person I once had. Funny thing I feel something around him in the pit of my stomach. Except, my current dark mood and well depression since my assault have left me unable to work up any courage to at least see what might happen. He impressed me so much, I think having him as a best friend would be great. So am I actually more afraid of being officially alone or is it really just fatigue from 'effective' single life.